A Hard Day

Today was a hard day. I try to put on a good front. On here, and in real life too. Today just went downhill. Trevor worked this weekend. To be honest, I totally dread those weeks. Saturday is not so bad, but church on Sunday is really difficult. Bryant doesn't like to be contained. The kids ask me a million questions in their not so quiet voices and sometimes they fight. A lot.
After the first hour of church it's my calling (church job for those who aren't LDS/Mormon) to teach the 4 and 5 year olds. It has been a challenge for me. There are 11 kids in the class. Ten are there on a regular basis. It's also a fairly "young" class. For the most part I manage, but I almost always feel like the lessons are more about stopping the more energetic kids from hurting themselves or bothering the kids around them then actually teaching. Today, I had Bryant with me. I had forgotten my object lesson at home, but quickly thought of a Plan B. It involved going outside. I talked to the kids about how we would act outside, how we still needed to be reverent, etc., etc., etc. Anyway, long story short a few of the kids were running everywhere, not listening, while the four kids that always do what I say were being pretty perfect. Bryant was pretty content chasing the runners, but not so content going where it was safe for him to be. It was a total disaster. I finally told the kids we couldn't finish and needed to go back to the church. The runners were totally o.k. with taking off across the parking lot toward the church, but my little stubborn daughter (Brinly's in my class) was VERY upset that she didn't get to explain her rock (each kid had a rock that represented a priesthood responsibility). She wouldn't budge. I told her that I was very sad too that we didn't get to finish but that the other kids weren't listening so we had to go back to the classroom all while trying to make sure none of the other kids got hit by a car. She started crying. Her little friend said she was so sad too. I was sad. Finally, finally, Brinly started moving while crying at the top of her lungs. The kids were running all over the church lawn. I finally got everyone halfway to the door when one of the poor Primary counselors stuck her head out and asked if everything was going o.k. I'm holding squirmy Bryant, my daughter is crying, and half the class is going crazy. I was not o.k.
I started crying and could not stop. She took my class. I took Bryant and went to get some KleenexesI was embarrassed (losing it at church is not my favorite thing to do!) and totally overwhelmed. It was hard. I feel like I can learn something from every calling and I have learned a lot from this one. I'm still so far from good at it and it's hard for me to admit that I am struggling so much with this calling.
I'm not sure what I want to gain from writing this post...Suggestions for dealing with active four-year-olds maybe? :o) Most parts of my life are so good and I enjoy writing about them. Maybe I just needed to write about one hard day too.